im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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