Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
someone get that fucking seahorse.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you didnt know i had herpes?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If I had your ass I would rule the world
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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