my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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