i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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