bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
