I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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