I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
