Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
