So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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