If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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