So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
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I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
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That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
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