I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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