Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
