Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
