we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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