woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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