So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
