Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
