So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
