if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
