So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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