so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
