A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
