i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
