seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
