There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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