Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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