he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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