You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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