I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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