My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
