if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Farmville is her only friend.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
