I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
