I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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