youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
