I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
