I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm too high and old for this...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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