Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
