haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
