i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think your dad took our porno
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
