Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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