My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
