Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
