I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Actions speak louder than pants.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
