You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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