Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
