I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
