How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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