i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
