I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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