Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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