i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
