is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
