I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
