I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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