My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
