I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
