looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
