I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it