About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
New York to be Host to Americaâ€™s Biggest Singles Event
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Kylie Jenner Wasnâ€™t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"