what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
