im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
