i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
