Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
