the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
