so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
